- ghost stories -

the streams of tears gently touch my cheeks covered by acne scars and sneakily run to hug my neck. a crying session while laying in my bed. that's it. nothing more nothing less. it's when all the joy and all the contentment you've successfully accumulated throughout just another messy day is slowly creeping out of your soul out of your whole being through a change of aggregation state.  they metarmophose into this salty liquid whose quantity and quality and frequency show just how emotional sensitive and messed up we can be.  it's strange how these same tears  that gently carress my face and somehow make their way down to my fucking collarbones- strange how they occur no matter the occasion or emotion.  are you happy?  here we are! are you sad?  here we are?  are you slowly losing your goddamn mind are the days slowly yet also rapidly passing by and you find yourself, yet again, at 7PM staring into nothingness after another dirty promise that this time...

                                                                                                      BEFORE SUNRISE 1995 Richard Linklater Quotes: ⭒ Celine:  " I believe if there's any kind of God it wouldn't be in any of us, not you or me but just this little space in between.  If there's any kind of magic in this world it must be in the attempt of understanding someone sharing, something. I know, it's almost impossible to succeed... but who cares really? The answer must be in the attempt."   ⭒   Jesse:  " I don't know, I think that if I could just accept the fact that my life is supposed to be difficult. You know, that's what to be expected, then I might not get so pissed-off about it and I'll just be gl...

" In ten years' time. I want to live in a house with big windows. I want the house to be large enough to have a kitchen table with four chairs but not too roomy to ever feel the depth of my aloneness, because I'll probably be alone, but I think aloneness won't feel so all-consuming with windows that protect me from the world but still let me watch it." -Maeve Wiley "We hear a lot of promises that things will get better. Maybe they will, maybe they won't. And what I think I've learned, what I wanna say to you is: Whatever happens, keep moving. Get through it. Choose to live. 'Cause, even on the worst days, there are people who love you. There is new music waiting for you to hear, something you haven't seen before that will blow your mind in the best way. Even on the worst day, life is a pretty spectacular thing." - Clay Jensen "Do it. You'll never know unless you do it. You gotta do it, or you'll think about it forever. You...

A comment on a Youtube video called 'songs to make u feel like the main character' (i have asked if it's okay to write it down on my blog and they granted permission). To some, it may seem really spontaneous of me to write this down in my blog, but... to me it just isn't. This person has pointed out some things which I've been reflecting on lately, this whole main/side character thing, and I really encourage you to read it. It may be something that you needed to read sooner, or even now! :) "Hey, I've seen a lot of people commenting on how they're the side character/antagonist and honestly somewhere you are! In someone's story you're the pretty stranger walking by, you're the awkward person waiting for the train, you're the yellow coat that distracts them as they drive past a crowded space. Or maybe you're the witty best friend, the smart person who helped pull their grade up, the person who held their hand as they cried, held them b...

we get sucked in a galaxy  where every single move we make every accumulation of words that we speak is being processed, filtered  examined by the eyes of social media of society. tyler the creator once said 'i'm a fucking walking paradox' and it seems to fit in perfectly, nowadays. society says `i accept you but not quite`. `it's okay to not be okay but hey! don't be sad! stop crying! God, you're so sensitive... but that's a good thing so don't worry!` the thing is, we often talk about society as this one individual person, identity when, in reality, society means us all of us everything we do, or say. so be careful of how you put yourself out there because, at the end of the day you are your own person and you've got your own back.

whenever i listen to: roslyn by bon iver, dreamy night by lily pichu, cloudbusting by kate bush, use somebody by kings of leon, you got the love by florence and the machine, bette davis eyes by kim carnes or good riddance by green day. when i was in tenerife with my family for vacation, and me and my mom sprinted from the restaurant to catch the sunset because it was beyond amazing. we took the stairs to up above the port, and the sky was different shades of red, yellow and orange. there was a karaoke bar nearby. someone was singing `my way` by frank sinatra, and i instantly got goosebumps. the sun was setting while the chorus was sung, and i was completely filled with a once in a lifetime kind of happiness. when i snuck out with my friends in the AM to go by the lake and watch the stars, while listening to yellow by coldplay and then... just gazing silently, at the night sky. when i was at a karaoke pub with my friends, and someone offered me a dance, and i danced without a care while...

As days pass by, you can't help but feel helpless, as life keeps giving you more reasons to feel stress, worry, or uneasiness. The word `routine` seems to fit in this situation and just hearing it makes you feel tense, as you have to deal with the same tasks, over and over, and over again. It's difficult, it's hard; but, do you take a moment to comprehend the simple, yet beautiful things? The slight crunch, beneath your combat boots, of the copper, autumn leaves?  The slight shot of electricity, when holding hands with someone you love?  The slight feeling of overwhelm, the good kind, when surrounded by people close to you? The short breaths you take, second by second, when running a mile, two, or even three, trying to reach deeper and further through your aspirations? The slight feeling of relief, when knowing you passed that one exam you worked your ass off for? The euphoric sensation running through your veins, from head to toe, when standing on the top of the mountain, ...

  I always find myself struggling to find the idea of full happiness. I become consumed by any little detail which does not fit into the puzzle, or mistakes which I've made, thinking it's absurd for them to happen in a certain situation. Well... I'm trying to to get my mind around the idea that, yes, sometimes we do fail at something, be it our first time or something we usually ace, with no obstacles or impediments.  Yes, sometimes we do have awkward moments, when our mind seems to have a problem functioning and we just can't find a solution to even the easiest task. Yes, sometimes things don't go the way we would we would want them to, but that does not make us who we are. We are human. We are not robots, set up to always function properly, solve difficulties easily or the same as others- something which, honestly, would become at one point inevitably boring.  We never know where the water's flow can take us. Even the crappiest moments can turn out to be helpf...

- not everybody you want in your life, wants you in theirs, so don't bend yourself backwards, trying to force them to stay when they couldn't care less if you're around or not. - you are not always right; learn to apologize for that. - YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOURSELF. - you can't make everyone happy. - say 'no' with grace and courage, when compliance would be a more popular choice. - people are not analyzing your every move. - no one is mad at you. -  you are not a burden for struggling, asking for help or making mistakes. - SHOW PEOPLE LOVE AND CARE AS MUCH AS YOU CAN, BECAUSE AT ONE POINT, SOME POINT, YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO ANYMORE. GET OVER YOURSELF, STOP BEING STUBBORN AND BE THERE FOR YOUR LOVED ONES. - the right people will love you. - some people will not like you, no matter how nice you are. - it is okay to not be okay sometimes. it is okay to not be productive sometimes, or to break out of your daily routine.  we are not robots. our body, mind and so...

  One of my favorite singers, Mazzy Star (the 90's).  Her song, Fade Into You , is featured on the album called 'So Tonight That I Might see', which was released in 1993.  I simply adore her style, the alternative-indie combination which makes me hop in a convertible and drive away, on the beach side.     Fade Into You : I want to hold the hand inside you I want to take the breath that's true I look to you and I see nothing I look to you to see the truth You live your life, you go in shadows You'll come apart and you'll go black Some kind of night into your darkness Colors your eyes with what's not there Fade into you Strange you never knew Fade into you I think it's strange you never knew A stranger's light comes on slowly A stranger's heart without a home You put your hands into your head And then smiles cover your heart Fade into you Strange you never knew Fade into you I think it's strange you never knew Fade into you Strange you never kn...

"The weak breeze whispers nothing, the water screams sublime, his feet shift, teeter-totter, deep breath, stand back, it's time. Toes untouch the overpass; soon, he's water-bound eyes locked shut, but peek to see the view from halfway down. A little wind, a summer sun, a river rich and regal, a flood of fond endorphins brings a calm that knows no equal. You're flying now You see things much more clear than from the ground. It's all okay, or it would be were you not, now, halfway down. Thrash to break from gravity what now could slow the drop All I'd give for toes to touch the safety back at top. But this it, the deed is done, silence drowns the sound. Before I leaped, I should have seen the view from halfway down. I really should've thought about the view from halfway down. I wish I could've known about the view from halfway down." 'Oh, Bojack, no. There is no other side; this is it.'

i know that things happen for a reason. i stand by that affirmation in everything i do and i never deny it- but, man i sometimes just fucking hate that everything happens for a reason. i sometimes just despise the fact that the deed is done and you can't go back this is it. 

 I wonder how, many times, I see a person, and just after seeing them, they did something... either good or bad. To them, for them, to others, for others... I just think that maybe, the person I passed by 5 minutes ago, is now taking an exam and is either acing or failing it, or they're just having an awful argument with their parents. And they spend the evening alone, in need of comfort, or maybe just a hug, for someone to tell them that it's going to be okay. I wonder if people keep my face or appearance in their minds for a while, after seeing me; if they appreciate my smile, if they laugh inside their heads when I'm laughing with my friends...  I just wonder about simple things like this, because I know that I, myself, have appreciated one's smile, I have laughed out whenever I heard another laugh.

Time is precious. With each and every single day that passes us by rapidly, we give less time to what really matters to the essence of life and the fuel of our soul. Spend time outside, be by your side,  breathe in the fresh of spring, grab any book off your shelf  and explore its pages because, at one point, we won't have much time  to do so, to enjoy the simple things like this, which actually matter the most. We become limited by numerous tasks given and our boundaries expand, living us with almost no more time left to enjoy life this way. So take some of your free time to spend it in nature, with your family, friends or alone, to fulfill yourself with the genuine feeling  of happiness.

  Speak your mind, always.  whether it's a subtle, shy and indecisive voice or a loud, strong and confidence-filled one. Do it, if you feel the rapid heartbeat  or the sudden urge  to say what you feel. Do it, even if some may not listen because some will. You listen to your inner voice and that's what matters.

simt o presiune ciudată pe pietul meu aici, jos.  prea multă vorbă  spusă, nespusă,  poate doar dedusă din priviri, dar chiar și așa, îi simți prezența și te-apasă, te înțeapă. e ușor epuziantă- și, deodată parcă toate-n juru-ți  se adună, oameni de tot soiul ba grăbiți, alții-s chill,  trec prin jurul tău și te trezesc la realitate printr-o oarecare atingere ușoară umăr-la-umăr și ești acolo, în mijlocul haosului care este realitatea. și te-apasă.  te înțeapă- când știi că, pentru un moment,  erai în pace, lăsat condus de trupul tău obosit dar în căutare de-un răspuns sau o sticlă de vin; lăsat purtat de gândul tău cam repetitiv, dar zgomotos ce-l poate scoate din amorțeală; lăsat condus de ochii-ți triști, dar sinceri, paradoxali făcuți din sticlă, însă,  ușor de citit până la urmă, erau doar sticloși. furtunoși, pătrunși de mii de amintiri sau trăiri care parcă erau on repeat și tu erai prea obosit să mai pui caseta pe pauză. simt. deci exist.

este o oră târzie și gânduri m-apasă  pe piept, puternic și n-am cum să scap. sunt atâtea lucruri pe care le simt, le trăiesc, însă prea puține moduri prin care să le exprim. parcă nici textul ăsta nu-și mai are rostul când nu este suficient de clar, de lucid, de fluid ci mai degrabă o adunătură de cuvinte care, împreună, încearcă să mă ajute să înțeleg. dar, în zadar.  nu. nu vorbesc foarte a.curat, cred că este dez.ordine în sufletul meu și prea puțină ordine printre gânduri și citesc din ce în ce mai greu printre rânduri. gândurile apasă mai tare acum și îmi este greu să mă opun. bottle up sau let it out? chiar nu mai știu. ambele-s cu 2 tăișuri un drum ce se bifurcă și nu știi ce cale să apuci de teamă să nu te întorci schimbat,  judecat. ignorat. neascultat.

Company is awesome.  Making friends is great. Working in a team or a group of people is necessary, indeed. Going out with someone else, hanging out with others can create strong bonds and close friendships. You never know how close you can get to someone in the most unexpected ways.  But, i must say... It is necessary to never lose sight of ourselves. We may, sometimes, get caught up with others and never save time for ourselves, something which we must do, something we should prioritize.  Being alone does not have to mean being lonely . Wanting to spend time by yourself is something absolutely normal and you should do it, from time to time.  Get to know yourself. Find out your strengths, your weaknesses, your passions and your hobbies.  And, most importantly... never stop. Grow and evolve and another galaxy will develop and, eventually, you must know each and every one that grows slowly inside of your soul .