- ghost stories -

whenever i listen to: roslyn by bon iver, dreamy night by lily pichu, cloudbusting by kate bush, use somebody by kings of leon, you got the love by florence and the machine, bette davis eyes by kim carnes or good riddance by green day. when i was in tenerife with my family for vacation, and me and my mom sprinted from the restaurant to catch the sunset because it was beyond amazing. we took the stairs to up above the port, and the sky was different shades of red, yellow and orange. there was a karaoke bar nearby. someone was singing `my way` by frank sinatra, and i instantly got goosebumps. the sun was setting while the chorus was sung, and i was completely filled with a once in a lifetime kind of happiness. when i snuck out with my friends in the AM to go by the lake and watch the stars, while listening to yellow by coldplay and then... just gazing silently, at the night sky. when i was at a karaoke pub with my friends, and someone offered me a dance, and i danced without a care while...

As days pass by, you can't help but feel helpless, as life keeps giving you more reasons to feel stress, worry, or uneasiness. The word `routine` seems to fit in this situation and just hearing it makes you feel tense, as you have to deal with the same tasks, over and over, and over again. It's difficult, it's hard; but, do you take a moment to comprehend the simple, yet beautiful things? The slight crunch, beneath your combat boots, of the copper, autumn leaves?  The slight shot of electricity, when holding hands with someone you love?  The slight feeling of overwhelm, the good kind, when surrounded by people close to you? The short breaths you take, second by second, when running a mile, two, or even three, trying to reach deeper and further through your aspirations? The slight feeling of relief, when knowing you passed that one exam you worked your ass off for? The euphoric sensation running through your veins, from head to toe, when standing on the top of the mountain, ...

  I always find myself struggling to find the idea of full happiness. I become consumed by any little detail which does not fit into the puzzle, or mistakes which I've made, thinking it's absurd for them to happen in a certain situation. Well... I'm trying to to get my mind around the idea that, yes, sometimes we do fail at something, be it our first time or something we usually ace, with no obstacles or impediments.  Yes, sometimes we do have awkward moments, when our mind seems to have a problem functioning and we just can't find a solution to even the easiest task. Yes, sometimes things don't go the way we would we would want them to, but that does not make us who we are. We are human. We are not robots, set up to always function properly, solve difficulties easily or the same as others- something which, honestly, would become at one point inevitably boring.  We never know where the water's flow can take us. Even the crappiest moments can turn out to be helpf...

- not everybody you want in your life, wants you in theirs, so don't bend yourself backwards, trying to force them to stay when they couldn't care less if you're around or not. - you are not always right; learn to apologize for that. - YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOURSELF. - you can't make everyone happy. - say 'no' with grace and courage, when compliance would be a more popular choice. - people are not analyzing your every move. - no one is mad at you. -  you are not a burden for struggling, asking for help or making mistakes. - SHOW PEOPLE LOVE AND CARE AS MUCH AS YOU CAN, BECAUSE AT ONE POINT, SOME POINT, YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO ANYMORE. GET OVER YOURSELF, STOP BEING STUBBORN AND BE THERE FOR YOUR LOVED ONES. - the right people will love you. - some people will not like you, no matter how nice you are. - it is okay to not be okay sometimes. it is okay to not be productive sometimes, or to break out of your daily routine.  we are not robots. our body, mind and so...

  One of my favorite singers, Mazzy Star (the 90's).  Her song, Fade Into You , is featured on the album called 'So Tonight That I Might see', which was released in 1993.  I simply adore her style, the alternative-indie combination which makes me hop in a convertible and drive away, on the beach side.     Fade Into You : I want to hold the hand inside you I want to take the breath that's true I look to you and I see nothing I look to you to see the truth You live your life, you go in shadows You'll come apart and you'll go black Some kind of night into your darkness Colors your eyes with what's not there Fade into you Strange you never knew Fade into you I think it's strange you never knew A stranger's light comes on slowly A stranger's heart without a home You put your hands into your head And then smiles cover your heart Fade into you Strange you never knew Fade into you I think it's strange you never knew Fade into you Strange you never kn...

"The weak breeze whispers nothing, the water screams sublime, his feet shift, teeter-totter, deep breath, stand back, it's time. Toes untouch the overpass; soon, he's water-bound eyes locked shut, but peek to see the view from halfway down. A little wind, a summer sun, a river rich and regal, a flood of fond endorphins brings a calm that knows no equal. You're flying now You see things much more clear than from the ground. It's all okay, or it would be were you not, now, halfway down. Thrash to break from gravity what now could slow the drop All I'd give for toes to touch the safety back at top. But this it, the deed is done, silence drowns the sound. Before I leaped, I should have seen the view from halfway down. I really should've thought about the view from halfway down. I wish I could've known about the view from halfway down." 'Oh, Bojack, no. There is no other side; this is it.'

i know that things happen for a reason. i stand by that affirmation in everything i do and i never deny it- but, man i sometimes just fucking hate that everything happens for a reason. i sometimes just despise the fact that the deed is done and you can't go back this is it. 

 I wonder how, many times, I see a person, and just after seeing them, they did something... either good or bad. To them, for them, to others, for others... I just think that maybe, the person I passed by 5 minutes ago, is now taking an exam and is either acing or failing it, or they're just having an awful argument with their parents. And they spend the evening alone, in need of comfort, or maybe just a hug, for someone to tell them that it's going to be okay. I wonder if people keep my face or appearance in their minds for a while, after seeing me; if they appreciate my smile, if they laugh inside their heads when I'm laughing with my friends...  I just wonder about simple things like this, because I know that I, myself, have appreciated one's smile, I have laughed out whenever I heard another laugh.

Time is precious. With each and every single day that passes us by rapidly, we give less time to what really matters to the essence of life and the fuel of our soul. Spend time outside, be by your side,  breathe in the fresh of spring, grab any book off your shelf  and explore its pages because, at one point, we won't have much time  to do so, to enjoy the simple things like this, which actually matter the most. We become limited by numerous tasks given and our boundaries expand, living us with almost no more time left to enjoy life this way. So take some of your free time to spend it in nature, with your family, friends or alone, to fulfill yourself with the genuine feeling  of happiness.

  Speak your mind, always.  whether it's a subtle, shy and indecisive voice or a loud, strong and confidence-filled one. Do it, if you feel the rapid heartbeat  or the sudden urge  to say what you feel. Do it, even if some may not listen because some will. You listen to your inner voice and that's what matters.